Like a Hammer to the Skull
i feel like i just got mugged by cupid.
taken: all decency and self respect; my desire to use internet dating sites; the fledgeling serenity i was starting to develop.
really though... i talk to people online, and i don't really expect anything more than a pleasant conversation at the best, a nice little internet friend. and i have found such a one. his name is snoogie, for the sake of this post and his anonymity. he lives in brooklyn, works for a jewish non-profit, is quite cute, and hopelessly in love with his possibly deeply closeted best friend of many years.
i hear you clamoring with your questions, but i ask you to hold them until the end of this seminar.
so i've been talking to snoogie for a few weeks, maybe three months, i suppose. its very pleasant. he is witty, keen, funny, clever, quick to laugh, etc. all the things a josh maru might look for in a friend. spiff. we share time, trade fun youtube videos (the modern day equivalent, i now realize, of trading mix tapes...), etc.
a week ago, i became ill, and am still at less than 100%. aww... sad for me, i know. in addition, i fear sleep, as though to sleep is to die. very shakespearean, but not so healthy when you need rest in order to get back to functional. i will not sleep. i didn't sleep last night. and here it is, three thirty, and i'm blogging. there you go.
so in the midst of this fogginess, and general woozy strangeness, i recieve the inevitable yet unseen frying pan to the face: i have... feelings... for snoogie... those warm, oozy feelings, where all the cute little love songs you've been listening to are suddenly about one person in particular... it has been... quite some time since i felt these creepy, sneaky, and above all overwhelmingly POWERFUL feelings... and i'm gonna be honest, they fucking freaked the ever living hell out of me!
so of course, i've wigged out, had a few conversations with snoogie about this new situation (probably wrecking any friendship we had in the process...), etc. we agree that it would be miserable to try and develop anything along romantic lines. and he has a best friend to try and move things along with.
and now i'm left with questions...
am i ready for anything anyway? what the fuck actually just happened to me? what is going on? why am i so utterly dense? and when, will i learn that i need to put the internet away, and get a real life?
i just don't fuckin' know anymore. but i think i'm gonna try to sleep.
goodnight, snoogie, wherever you are.
taken: all decency and self respect; my desire to use internet dating sites; the fledgeling serenity i was starting to develop.
really though... i talk to people online, and i don't really expect anything more than a pleasant conversation at the best, a nice little internet friend. and i have found such a one. his name is snoogie, for the sake of this post and his anonymity. he lives in brooklyn, works for a jewish non-profit, is quite cute, and hopelessly in love with his possibly deeply closeted best friend of many years.
i hear you clamoring with your questions, but i ask you to hold them until the end of this seminar.
so i've been talking to snoogie for a few weeks, maybe three months, i suppose. its very pleasant. he is witty, keen, funny, clever, quick to laugh, etc. all the things a josh maru might look for in a friend. spiff. we share time, trade fun youtube videos (the modern day equivalent, i now realize, of trading mix tapes...), etc.
a week ago, i became ill, and am still at less than 100%. aww... sad for me, i know. in addition, i fear sleep, as though to sleep is to die. very shakespearean, but not so healthy when you need rest in order to get back to functional. i will not sleep. i didn't sleep last night. and here it is, three thirty, and i'm blogging. there you go.
so in the midst of this fogginess, and general woozy strangeness, i recieve the inevitable yet unseen frying pan to the face: i have... feelings... for snoogie... those warm, oozy feelings, where all the cute little love songs you've been listening to are suddenly about one person in particular... it has been... quite some time since i felt these creepy, sneaky, and above all overwhelmingly POWERFUL feelings... and i'm gonna be honest, they fucking freaked the ever living hell out of me!
so of course, i've wigged out, had a few conversations with snoogie about this new situation (probably wrecking any friendship we had in the process...), etc. we agree that it would be miserable to try and develop anything along romantic lines. and he has a best friend to try and move things along with.
and now i'm left with questions...
am i ready for anything anyway? what the fuck actually just happened to me? what is going on? why am i so utterly dense? and when, will i learn that i need to put the internet away, and get a real life?
i just don't fuckin' know anymore. but i think i'm gonna try to sleep.
goodnight, snoogie, wherever you are.
posted by satchel at
2:20 AM
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