Smells Like Cheese

i am back in austin, after almost a week in san antonio. i am sitting in front of my computer at three in the morning. none of my plants managed to die. i now own a kitten, though it is staying with my sister for a few days for post-operative care. not that the little hobgoblin needs it... he's already jumping around like a spastic... kitten. like a normal, furry, ridiculously cute kitten. this thing is deadly cute. he's all fluffy, and soft. he has a dark tail and ears, and cafe-au-lait body, and white undermarkings. also, he has raccoon markings on his face, and blue eyes. he is super, terrifyingly, sell your loved-ones cute.

i am terrified of this kitten. i'm just not sure i have the love to give it. or, i'm afraid of giving love to anyone or anything. its been a while. i'm convinced i'm not good at it. regardless, i'm putting a moratorium on horror books for a few months, and i'm pretty sure he isn't evil. in fact, he's super good-natured and smart. or he will be smart, after natural aging knocks the kitten-stupid out of him. and i still don't know what to name him.

i'm constantly tired. life feels like a lot. and if i want to finish my fifth step before my three month anniversary, i need to WORK! lots. the eighth. its coming up. last chip for three months, saving any random desire chips i decide to pick up... but yeah... i need to like, actually do shit and shit. but my kitchen is up and running, i went grocery shopping, and made my own dinner tonight, with leftovers for tomorrow. i even did most of the dishes! go me! i rock!

and i picked up a new copy of the big book, since i seem to keep misplacing my old copies, which i'm sure isn't a sign of ANY underlying psychological ANYTHING! i really need to do my sex inventory tomorrow. clearly, i should do it in some public place. it would be fun.

mr. philadelphia hasn't e-mailed me back in close to a week. granted, i think he's still on vacation, but regardless, he's in trouble. oh yes. he is in trouble. do you think it might be an issue how i tend to make the lives of those i love a living hell? i'm not sure... i just tend to like to keep people on their toes... boredom is a sad sad thing, after all... but no, really... he's in trouble. i don't know what to do about it, but something... something fun. some small, depraved little punishment... a little thimble of revenge. just a little, because i mean, we don't really know each other all that well, and our relationship is e-based, and i know its not really his fault... but just a quick tug on whatever little hooks i have in him... and oh, but i have some little hooks in him... its wrong to treat people like toys... i think i'm going to have to deal with that eventually...

well, my jasmine plant is doing well. it put out a bunch of new growth, but is also getting ready to bloom again... i will take my pruning snips and put an end to all such nonsense tomorrow... now is not the time to be focusing on energy-intensive blooming... now is the time for leaves and roots. i will let it bloom... someday. there is plenty of warm weather left. my avocado pit is taking its own sweet time with things... the tap-root is getting long, but i keep waiting for an audible *crack!* when the pit opens for the shoot... i know it doesn't work that way, but still... i can dream... everyone else seems to be doing well... i relocated the begonias to the back patio to lessen their chances of getting sunburned. the lime tree is now out front, along with the mango, and i pulled a leaf off the lime in the hopes of starting a new branch. all the small pots got water tonight, and the two large ones get water tomorrow.

i need to shop for school supplies... there's nothing like the thought of the impending drop of hundreds of dollars to make one feel... icky... i need to get on a normal sleep schedule so i can make classes also. this update, is not helping me with that goal...

i really need to do my sex inventory. and i have nothing pertinent to say. nothing deep.

look, i'll call you when i'm feeling deep...

later.